Always tell the truth in court.

This is supposed to be a true story, but I have a feeling it's really just a good yarn.

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In one trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand.

He approached the grandmother and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She replied, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs."

"You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you will never amount to anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was, naturally, stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defence attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "Don't either of you bastards ask her if she knows me."