Saturday, June 07, 2008

Tony Park Book Signing.

To promote the release of his latest book, Silent Predator, Tony Park will be at Dymocks, Doncaster Shoppingtown, on Wednesday, June 18 at 12:30pm, signing copies for people.

He's an interesting man, and this is a great opportunity to say hello to the writer that some are starting to call the new Wilbur Smith. It's a given that I'll be there.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

My Youngest Son Came Home Today.

Written by Eric Bogle.

My youngest son came home today
His friends marched with him all the way
The pipes and drum beat out the time
While in his box of polished pine
Like dead meat on a butcher's tray
My youngest son came home today

My youngest son was a fine young man
With a wife, a daughter and two sons
A man he would have lived and died
Till by a bullet sanctified
Now he's a saint or so they say
They brought their young saint home today

Above the narrow Sydney streets
An Aussie sky looks down and weeps
At children's blood in gutters spilled
In dreams of freedom unfulfilled
As part of freedom's price to pay
My youngest son came home today

My youngest son came home today
His friends marched with him all the way
The pipe and drum beat out the time
While in his box of polished pine
Like dead meat on a butcher's tray
My youngest son came home today

And this time he's home to stay


Saturday, April 26, 2008

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

As time goes by.

Some of the big-name music acts of the 60's and 70's are re-releasing their biggest hits, but they have slightly altered them, properly reflecting the passing of the years. Here are some of them.
  • Hermans' Hermits: Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker.
  • Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?
  • Ringo Starr: I Get By With A Little Help From Depends.
  • The Who: Seniors Bus.
  • Roberta Flack: The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
  • Johnny Nash: I Can't See Clearly, Now.
  • Paul McCartney & Wings: Bran On The Bun.
  • Paul Simon: Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver.
  • Procul Harum: A Whiter Shade Of Hair.
  • Leo Sayer: You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
  • The Temptations: Papa's Got A Kidney Stone.
  • ABBA: Denture Queen.
  • Tony Orlando & Dawn: Knock Three Times (On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall).
  • Helen Reddy: I Am Woman (Hear Me Snore).
  • Leslie Gore: It's My Facelift.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

"For Gods' sake, what is happening in this country?" Warning; strong language.

Those are the words of Lorraine Long, the head of the Medical Error Action Group (MEAG). I wouldn't be so polite.

Emerging news of possibly one of the most horrific incidences of ongoing medical malpractice and abuse at the hands of a doctor. This is so disgusting, I'm at a loss for words, I'm so angry.

Watch the spokesman (read Spin Doctor) for the Medical Board. You can see he knows there has been a major screw-up, but he isn't concerned with the monsters' victims. He's trying to measure his replies so as to not tarnish the reputations of the Medical Review Board. To my mind, this makes him as culpable as the creature performing the abuse.

Something is terribly wrong with the system, that's painfully obvious. And we need to make sure that all parties, from the so-called doctor right up to the New South Wales Minister for Health, are held to account. More than just the doctors' head needs to roll, and instead of the Medical Review Board worrying about preserving their own hides, how about they focus on saving the skins of the people at the mercy of this creature and others like him.

How the fuck can something like this happen in this country?

Monday, February 04, 2008

Greasy rider.

While perusing the weeks' newspapers on Saturday, looking for choice cuts for The Butcher Shop, I came across the photo on the left. It was sent to the Herald Sun by "Ben", who didn't want his real name used. The photo was taken by his wife. Apparently they were coming home from an Australia Day barbecue when they were treated to this sight.

This bloke was travelling along the Eastern Freeway at about 100 kilometres per hour (62 mph) with a barbecue strapped to his body. Check out the grill in front of his face.

So "Ben", being a civic minded person, showed the police the photo, as well as contacting the newspaper. Police confirmed they had seen the picture and, naturally, they were very interested in talking to this fellow. The article ended with the usual "if you have any information" etc.

Apparently somebody did have some information because the photo on the right appeared in the following days' paper.

Meet the rider. It seems his work and housemates recognised him in the first photo and gave him a hard time, teasing him no end, and who promptly dobbed him in to the appropriate authorites: the newspaper. He now reckons he has seen the error of his ways, finding all the attention too embarrassing. It seems he is also reconsidering the wisdom of transporting a two-seater couch on his bike some time before the barbecue.

He admits "I've been known to be a bit strange and to see things differently." Well, when you're looking through the bottom grate of a barbecue, I'd say that's a given.

But here's the really dumb thing. This bloke called himself "Stuart". Not his real name because he didn't want to be identified.

Oh boy.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Life in the not really fast lane.

I'm kind of hoping someone might know the answer to this one, as well.

Circumstances have come together in such a way that, for the time being, you are currently the only vehicle travelling along your side of a three-lane highway. You are driving in the middle lane. There is a car approaching the highway on a side road. The other car stops, then enters the highway.

Why, then, does the driver of the other vehicle feel that the only lane he can drive in is the one that you're already in? And why does he then slow down to 20 kilometres per hour below the speed limit, forcing you to change lanes to go past him?

Any suggestions would be gratefully accepted.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

In space no one can hear you ...

Here's one for the astronauts amongst us.

If you're in your space capsule, floating about in zero gravity and you fart, will you be propelled forward?
I mean, this could be quite problematic, couldn't it? A good curry the night before, and you could be bouncing around inside the capsule doing a rather splendid impression of a balloon that has just been let go.

Just wondering.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Something fishy here.

S brought this to my attention: I was too busy melting to notice, but I do agree with her.

The caption under this photo was, "Fisherman hooks monster shark in rubber dinghy." The error was compounded by the headline in the attendant article: "Man catches bronze whaler in dinghy"

This, of course, begs the question: what was the shark doing in a rubber dinghy?

I suppose it's possible it can't swim, and needs a boat to get around? Was the dinghy actually owned by the shark, or had it stolen it? Perhaps it has seen the movie, "Jaws", and is afraid to go in the water? Maybe the shark had embraced technology and the dinghy was equipped with a fish finder, and the poor creature was only looking for lunch? Being a bronze whaler, could it have been trying to maintain the image of the bronzed Aussie? Or could it have been a cast member of "Westside Story" just looking to spend a little time on the water?

Even if we never find an answer to this conundrum, one thing is absolutely certain. At the end of this saga, something is going to end up battered. It'll just be a toss up which will be more so: the fish or the grammar.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

On the tip of your tongue.

We're all familiar with Peter Piper and his peck of pickled peppers, the wood chucking woodchuck and the pheasant plucker. Tongue twisters which are relatively easy to master and give us a sense of achievement when we do. But, here are some tongue twisters to really give your tongue a hernia, coutesy of the maestro of the tongue himself, Mr. Danny Kaye.

Okay, take a deep breath. Ready? Begin!

Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously. For Moses he knowses his toeses ain't roses that Moses supposes his toeses to be.

How did you go? That was a simple one just to warm you up. Ready for the next one?

Now, Kissle will whistle at busty Miss. Russell who'll rustle and bustle till Kissle will roar, so Russell asked Axle for Kissle's dismissal and this'll teach Kissle to whistle no more.

Okay, your tongue should be pretty limber by now. Let's continue.

Tito and Tato were tattooed in total, but Toto was only tattooed on his toes, so Tato told Tito where Toto was tattooed but Tito said Toto's tattoo wouldn't show.

That's the easy part over. You might want to call in a physiotherapist for the next lot.

Theda thought Thora was thumping her thimble but Thomas thought Thora was thumping her drum, so if Theda thought Thora's not thumping her thimble, I think that she surely is thumping her thumb.

Coming up is the assault course, so I'll let you catch your breath before we continue.

Okay, times up! Ready, set, go!

Now, Charley is chary when choosing his cheeses and cheese is a challenge when Charley arrives. When Charley is charming and chooses a cheddar then chews it and chips it and chops in some chives.

Heda is hoping to hop to Tahiti to hack a hibiscus to hang on her hat. Now, Heda has hundreds of hats on her hatrack, so how can a hop to Tahiti help that?

Warning! The next section should only be attempted by professionals or serving members of the SAS.

Snobby Miss. Nora is sniffing her snuffer, the snuffer’s no sniffing it makes Nora sneeze. When Snyda lets Nort know his Nora is sneezing, she snappily snorts Nora’s sneezing a breeze.

Sheila is selling her shop at the seashore for shops at the seashore are so sure to lose, and she’s not so sure of what she should be selling. Should Sheila sell seashells or should she sell shoes?

Did you survive? Or does your tongue feel like it's pulled it's muscle? Not to worry. Keep practising these until you get them down pat, and you'll be able to amaze your friends with your dexterity.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

In the beginning ...

... there was an amorphous blob of melted lard wishing everyone a happy New Year.