ROAD KILL DRIVER ARRESTED.

This piece was inspired by the sight of Easter eggs in a store on Boxing Day.

In a move sure to leave millions of children around the world devastated, police yesterday arrested Santa Claus for the hit and run death of the Easter Bunny last December.

In a press conference this morning, spokesman for the police and head of the Road Kill taskforce set up to investigate the death, Detective Inspector Bharrum Bhugge, said that Claus had been lead suspect in the case right from the beginning. He said that unique parallell skid marks at the scene pointed to Claus being responsible but, up until now, police have been unable to question him as there is no treaty of extradition with the North Pole.

Inspector Bhugge said the breakthrough in the case came last week when an anonymous caller phoned Crimestoppers, telling them that Claus was going to re-enter the country, most likely coming from New Zealand. Acting on the information given by the informant, and in conjunction with customs officers and the Navy, Road Kill taskforce members were able to successfully apprehend the suspect when he flew in.

In addition to the hit-run offences, Bharrum Bhugge said, Claus was also facing charges of trying to avoid paying customs duties after a multitude of items which he had failed to declare were discovered in his sled. A number of passports under various names were also found. The vehicle itself, which has been impounded for forensic examination, also appears to be unlicenced and uninsured. Quarantine officials had to be called in to organise the capture of eight reindeer which Claus had apparently been using to pull his sled.

"This could very well be the worst case of animal cruelty ever seen in this country! And God knows what diseases they're carrying!" said one unamed source close to the investigation.

Inspector Bhugge also appealed to the public for any information they might have on Claus.

"It seems that this man is an habitual criminal who likes to flaunt his lawlessness. He practically admitted to us that he illegally enters peoples homes when they are asleep, and leaves gifts for the children. We are asking any member of the public who has had dealings with a man who calls himself Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Saint Nick, Papa Noel, Pere Noel, Papai Noel, Viejo Pascuero, Dun Che Lao Ren, Kerstman, Joulupukki, Weihnachtsmann, Kanakaloka, Mikulas, Babbo Natale, Hoteiosho, Julenissen, Swiety Mikolaj, Ded Moroz, Jultomten or Father Christmas, to come forward. We need to keep our children safe from this predator, and any information you have will go a long way to ensuring this. We would especially like to talk again to the person who phoned Crimestoppers in the first place; a young adolescent male, we believe. This could very well be the first time one of this man's victims has had the courage to come forward."

Claus is due to appear before the magistrates Court tomorrow morning. A lawyer for the firm representing Claus, Chris Angel and Partners, said they would be asking for bail on humanitarian grounds.

"It is our contention that Big Business, not Santa Claus, should be the ones held accountable for the death of the Easter Bunny. This was a tragedy just waiting to happen. There is a disease running rampant through our society, and that disease is commercialisation. Santa was only doing his job as demanded by the aspects of commercialism. So was the Easter Bunny. The two of them should never have met, but they did. Tragically."

"If Big Business hadn't been so quick to start promoting Easter after Christmas ... well. Our client is as much a victim as the Easter Bunny, and we are prepared to show that in court."

The lawyer refused to comment on the other charges Claus was facing.